Three Ways To Increase Meekness

Three ways to increase meekness, that’s it? Wow, sounds so easy. 

It’s not easy, but it’s a worthy endeavor nonetheless. In this post, I’m sharing from my personal experience with lacking meekness.  It hindered my relationships and left me feeling empty. I sought to be the center of attention and couldn’t pass up an opportunity to tell someone they were wrong.  The peers I had to be obligatory friends with would avoid me outside of school,  and I struggled to make new relationships once I graduated and moved multiple times.

It took me a long time to be open to the idea that although I was smart, could act very nice, and do right things, I was still a person that folks would rather not be around. If I had to put my finger on the most undeveloped trait it was meekness. I believe it manifested in three main ways to increase meekness that I’m going to share with you.

The verse that comes to mind first when I think of meekness is this one: 

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

1 Peter 3:4

This verse comes from a marriage passage about winning the heart of an unbelieving husband, but beyond that,  meekness is a valuable asset that has many applications.  It can strengthen all kinds of relationships, melt hearts that are hard toward God, and soothe wounded souls. Above all, meekness is a Christ-like quality that we can never have too much of. Jesus actually told us in Matthew 11: 29 to learn of Him for He is meek.

These aren’t the only three ways to increase meekness, but these tips are rooted in godly Christian living.

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What you’re probably thinking

You’re probably thinking of a little field mouse or Cinderella (oh wait, she had her own mice didn’t she?). Or maybe an awkward person hiding behind ill-fitted clothes and unkempt hair. Some people that never get paid attention, are cast aside, or are unassuming get called meek. Those people may be meek, but that’s not exactly what it means.

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So, what is meekness?

Webster 1828 defines meek as, “Mild of temper; soft; gentle; not easily provoked or irritated; yielding; given to forbearance under injuries”

In Greek this verse uses the word “praus” (Strongs 4239) meaning gentle or meek.

Most bible translations don’t even use the word meek, instead preferring “gentle”.  You’ll find the word “meek” in certain translations of: 

• 1 Peter 3:4 (above)

• Matthew 5:5  “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” Many translations use “gentle” here, and a few use “humble”.

•  Matthew 11:29 “...learn of me for I am meek and lowly of heart” is also often translated gentle

So, I think you are catching the drift. Despite many inspiring sermons reaching for some ultra-profound meaning, or a new and exciting way to talk about Jesus, this post is keeping it pretty simple.  Meek means gentle (although “yielding” stands out to me in the Webster definition.
A post for another day!)

Because our world is so far from what it used to be in the way of femininity, we have a lot of thinking to undo. So let’s  take a look at what meekness is not. This will help us when it comes time to apply the three ways to increase meekness.

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What is meekness not?

Being meek does not mean: 

• You have no personality – God made you unique for a reason
• Always agreeing – Of course there’s a right and wrong way to disagree
• Being literally silent – Not even close
• Never having “negative” emotions – Sadness, fear, worry, anger
• Tolerating abuse – Always get yourself to a safe place if you are being harmed. Call the police if need be.

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Biblical examples

We can see what meekness is, and is not, in a few Bible characters.

Moses and Jesus are both specifically called meek (Numbers 12:3, Matthew 11:29). Consider that both of them had moments of intense emotion and spoke very directly at times.  They led great crowds of people. Moses (not Jesus, of course) had many flaws, too. Yet, they were both called meek. Gentle. 

How can we draw from the lives of Moses and Jesus? Spend time reading the gospels and the books of Moses and get to know them better.  Notice how they interact with all different types of people and how they relate to God the Father.  This is meekness in action.

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Three ways to increase meekness

1. Listen more

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak…

James 1:9

I know I just said you don’t necessarily have to talk less, but for me, talking less and listening more had a profound impact. It made my first impressions better, relationships less tense, and improved small talk. 

It’s been said (sorry, I cannot track down where this originally came from) that “the most interesting people are the most interested people”.   When you spend time listening, the speaker usually walks away thinking you are such a gem. They are actually satisfied because they got to talk about themselves, but it leaves a good feeling about you. Neat how that works.  

I love the people that I know that are excellent listeners, so I spent time emulating them until it became more assimilated into my nature.  A great way to give yourself plenty of opportunity to listen more is the next tip …

2. Ask questions

Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.

Proverbs 20:5

More questions. Open ended questions. Ask something interesting. Notice when people think your questions are too personal or probing, but usually it’s welcomed in this age of surface level relationships. They can always choose to give a surface level answer.

Then listen. 

Don’t ask so that you can hear their answer quickly then think of what you really want to say about the topic. Listen and then ask another. And another. 

Do you have a friend that’s good at this? Practice on them. They’re the hardest people to ask questions back to because they are so good at it themselves, so they’re the best exercise. 

If you’re just starting out, do the basics. Occupation, family, where are you from, etc. It might take some time to convince yourself it’s nice, not nosy.   A really comfortable basic formula which I use is question, listen, quick two cents (“Neat! Cool! I bet that was nice! I’m happy for you!”), another question. It’s smoother than just blasting with questions without any responses. 

3. Drop it

Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth

Proverbs 20:6

This one has been the very hardest for me. Sometimes I want to scream and crawl out of skin because I’m sure I will die if I don’t say something!! 

I’ve found so much peace in all my relationships by dropping a few things almost completely. 

First, the phrase “agree to disagree”.  Does anyone like this? Usually, it’s kind of snarky and comes off more like “I refuse to see your point or learn something so I’ll say something that sounds nice on the surface but I don’t really mean it.” 

Instead, try to learn something or find even the smallest thing that you can find common ground on. Then, disagree BUT keep it to yourself. Believe it not, I have never spontaneously combusted from not letting someone know that I disagree with them. (Of course it’s always nice to have a few friends that you can really enjoy hashing things out with as iron sharpens iron, or just for fun, but it’s not most people.) 

Second, let people be wrong. Yep. They will probably be just fine and so will your relationship. It’s pretty simple when they say something you know is wrong to go, “Oh yeah? I’ve heard it’s like this.” If they stick to their guns you can have complete peace with leaving it at that. Most likely, it won’t harm them but correcting people all the time does harm (especially men’s egos. Just don’t go there).  It’s extremely hard to be the know-it-all who corrects everyone and still be like-able.

Do you know how many arguments I’ve had with my husband since learning to drop stuff? Maybe…. 3? In a looooooong time. And I know for sure that those were days I was in a grumpy mood and just refused to be cheerful. But guess what? That used to be all the time! I was a know-it-all corrector who had to let people know they were wrong and never concede to anything. It was very unpleasant for everyone involved. 

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And now you’re meek!

It’s not quite that easy, but I know I will forever be thanking God that He brought me someone to tell me to just quit these habits. It wasn’t a big resolution and dramatic transformation, but He supplied the grace for my eyes to be open to these things and go cold turkey. 

This is not a list of the ONLY three ways to increase meekness, these are just some top things that stood in my way. Man, my tongue…. Oof. I stuck my foot in my mouth SO much! That’s why these tips revolve around conversation skills.  

Now that the Lord has helped me tame my tongue (and I won’t be perfect til I arrive in glory) it’s so much easier for a softer, more meek heart attitude to grow in me. It’s been a really sweet journey with Jesus so far. 

Grace and peace,
Louise

If you are new here and haven’t heard where I came from, how God plucked me right out of the mud, here is my testimony of getting saved.