“Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the
richest gem in the diadem of their honor.”
Noah webster
What Is Modesty of Heart?
Modesty has two main definitions in the Meriam-Webster:
1: the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities
2: propriety (appropriateness) in dress, speech, or conduct
Some synonyms include: demureness, down-to-earthness, humbleness, humility, meekness, lowliness
To be modest is a posture of the heart that is reflected in how someone acts. It will be evident in the way you interact with and relate to those around you.
You may be thinking, “Isn’t modesty about how I dress?”
Yes! In part. But, how we dress is only one way that we interact with those around us.
This post will be more of an overview of the heart quality rather than specifics on dressing modestly (which is one very important application).
Modesty In The Bible
Modesty is found in the Bible, but when I sat down to write, I did not find as many verses as I had expected (and I have been a serious Bible student for about a decade now). For such a highly regarded Christian virtue, I had the impression that there were more verses for this topic than there are.
Basically the only verse about modesty referring to clothing is found in Paul’s first letter to Timothy.
“I will therefore that men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”
1 Timothy 2:8-10
This is the KJV whereas the ESV translates “shamefacedness” as modesty.
The Greek word for “modest” in verse 9 (KJV) is kosmios (G2887), meaning “Well arranged, seemly, modest, orderly, virtuous, decent”. This comes from kosmos, which is the world or universe, or the well arranged, appropriate organization of matter and things.
The second word translated “modesty” (ESV) is aidos (G127) which Thayer’s Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament defines as “a sense of shame or honour, modesty, bashfulness, reverence, regard for others, respect”.
This “shamefacedness”, as the King James puts it, is not a shame as if you’ve been caught doing something wrong but rather an “excess of modesty, bashfulness” (Webster 1828).
For now, suffice to say that modesty applied to wearing appropriate clothing is a very important topic, but since the Bible has little to say about it specifically, I’m going to “zoom out” to discuss modesty as a condition of the heart.
Modesty Of The Heart
Back to the definition: not too proud or over confident; being appropriate in speech, dress, conduct; seemly, orderly, decent
Lucky for us, there are many more verses about not being prideful, arrogant, and behaving appropriately. There are actually too many to list right here, but here is a short list.
Proverbs 29:23 A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.
Proverbs 11:2 When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom
Romans 12:16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
Proverbs 16:5 Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.
Galatians 6:3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
Titus 2:12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world
1 Peter 2:12 Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.
This is just a small sample of the vast wisdom that God has for us in His Word about our heart. There is a clear theme in the Bible about rejecting pride and worldly behavior. He is making us a new creation and we have no use for the old things of our flesh anymore. We are to be a set-apart people that is distinct and recognizable.
God cares SO much about our heart over our actions that He tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:12 that “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me…” Of course if you keep reading we are warned not to partake of these things that don’t benefit us, but this shows us that God looks on the heart first. He knows that everything flows out of the heart. If our heart is in the right place, submitted to Him, growing daily in grace, our actions will become more Christ-like over time – by HIS work, not ours.
Good actions are worth nothing if they are not coming out of a regenerated heart. Dressing yourself neck to ankle and never touching a drop of alcohol will not benefit you if you are not born again!
This is why it doesn’t help to have strict lists of exactly how much to skin to cover up and other specific regulations on actions. Sanctification is a gift of the SPIRIT, not a fruit of the law. Have faith that if you are in tune with God’s voice speaking to you on a regular basis, that He will show you how to act in order to please Him.
The neat part is that He often does this by – you guessed it! – changing the desires of our heart to align with His will.
How To Be Modest?
Being modest is very similar to being humble. The Bible tells us that “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time” (1 Peter 5:6).
So, step 1 is to humble yourself
before God.
You do this, first, by becoming born again. If you aren’t sure if you are born again, see Are You A Christian? This is ultimate humility before God.
Next, we have a clue in 2 Chronicle 7:14 where it says, “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven…” Humility here is connected with prayer and seeking God.
Also, in Colossians 3:12 we are told that humility is to be “put on”. Contrast that with other verses like Ephesians 4 tells us to “put off” the old man and works of the flesh.
God certainly does most of the work in our hearts, but we do have to yield and participate with His plan.
Step 2 is humble yourself before others. This is much easier one you have been humbled before God. What is more humbling than admitting to the Creator of the Universe that you are a dirty rotten sinner with no goodness in yourself? Once you’ve done that, keep that in mind always!
When you find yourself starting to compare yourself to others, remember that you are infinitely more lowly than God which is exactly where that other person is, so does it really matter if you’re ahead of them? It does not.
Ways To Practice Modesty
Some simple (although they may take a lot of practice) ways to show modesty to others are:
– Complimenting others – eyes off you!
– Learning to receive graciously. I learned how important this was when a friend pointed out to me that is is rude to be overly humble and always reject what people are offering, whether it be a physical gift or kind words
– Not always seeking attention for yourself
– Trying not to stick out like a sore thumb. Go with the flow of where you are. If it’s an environment you can’t relax into, are you sure it’s a place you should be? For example: it’s just as obvious to be the loudest person in a mellow place as it is to be a wet blanket in a high energy room.
Remember, modesty flows out of the heart, so if you find it very hard to act modestly, ask God to refine your heart some more. It can also take time to get used to new habits, so be patient with yourself and always try again. Be intentional and look for times to practice on purpose!
Outward Modesty Is Useless Without The Heart
“As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is
Proverbs 11:22
without discretion”
The thing about a jewel on a swine is that it’s not fooling anybody. Sure, everyone can notice how pretty the jewel is, but they ALSO notice the pig underneath it! That little thing isn’t hiding anything.
I always had this feeling when I was younger (teenaged) that my squeaky clean behavior would be seen right through. At times, I’m sure it was. Other times, I like to think I hid my immodest heart quite well. But whether it was hiding well or not meant nothing because I could always feel within myself that my inward was not matching my outward. It almost made me feel better to act foolishly because at least I wasn’t betraying my heart.
Hypocrisy is a nasty condition; it feels so rotten.
A Final Encouragement
Keep in mind that it’s okay that you are not perfect! You will have off days. You will fail sometimes. Missteps are different from trying to dress up a hog. Give yourself the grace that God has already placed you in and trust in His power to renew you each day.
His grace IS enough – you are not.
He IS strong enough – you are not.
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