Titus 2 Love Your Husband
Do you love your husband? Of course you do! After all, you married him. But, do you really, actively, intentionally love him day by day? Are you growing in your love for him and learning new ways to improve in displaying it towards him?
Last Time In This Series
You’ve made it to part three of the Femininity 101 series. We started with Biblical Femininity Intro then started looking in the Word in Titus 2. Part two was the first instruction to younger women: be sober. This brings us to the next instruction: love your husband.
Titus 2 Love Your Husband
Titus 2:3-5 reads,
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
The Greek word here is actually one word for the whole phrase “to love their husbands” or “be lovers of their husbands”. It is phílandros (G5362) from philos (G5384 – actively fond, friendly companion) and aner (G435 – man, husband): fond of man, i.e. affectionate as a wife:—love their husbands.
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An Overview
This part of the series really has to be an overview because this one topic alone could take up thousands of blog posts. There are SO many ways to love your husband – and we will get to a list at the end of this post, so hang in there! – that we won’t be going in depth on each and every one at this time. First, notice some initial observations about this phrase in Titus.
First Observation
Clearly, it’s implied that the younger women have husbands. It almost seems too obvious to point out. It’s that easy to skip over. For most of human history, marriage has been desired for younger, as opposed to older, women. It’s been the rule instead of the exception.
But now, in industrialized post-modern nations, it’s largely shunned. “Get a career first, go to school, you should travel, don’t tie yourself down, you don’t need a man, there are no good men anyway, you’ll just get divorced, you aren’t mature enough, marriage is just a piece of paper, explore other sexual orientations, live together but don’t get married…” The dissenters continuously toll.
While not all young women will marry, it is mentioned in God’s Word which transcends all cultures and times, so we know that He is not against it as the world tells us to be. We also know that in times and places where more women get married younger, marriages last longer, and families stay together more. These are things that bring joy to God’s heart and He wishes to bless us with these things!
It’s not even hard to find Christian that are against young people getting married. Another can of worms for another day, this hurts God’s heart as well.
Second Observation
Why is this even on the list? Don’t women get married to men they love? Maybe, maybe not. Arranged marriages or those predicated on strategic alliances or utility rather than love were more common in other times (and still happens in many places). Of course in a situation like that, to love your husband would be something that a young wife more obviously had to grow into over time. Even if you do get to marry a man of your choosing that you already love, love is created by God to grow and mature over time. It is a choice to maintain your love because if you don’t, it will wax cold.
But also, since Genesis, it is in women’s nature to not do a good job at this. It simply isn’t necessary for God to tell us to do something we are already good at, is it? Almost all the instruction in the Bible is something our flesh does not default to. So we need to be taught. And we have to practice. And we’ll never be perfect at it. But it’s worth devoting time and energy toward.
Love Your Husband, Not Just Tolerate
You must love your husband; it is not enough to merely tolerate him. Your marriage is worth nothing if you grin and bear it. It is not the glorious reflection of the gospel God made marriage to be when you put up with him, even if you do so very peacefully without fighting and nagging. Everyone else won’t be able to see under the surface, but God surely can.
Love Your Husband As The Church Should Love Christ
Just as we need to be taught to love God, so wives need to be taught to love their husbands. Over and over we are told to love God (Matt 22:37), seek after Him (Prov 8:17), abide in Him (John 15:4), love His word (Psalm 119:140), grow in knowledge of Him (2 Peter 3:18), walk in His ways (Psalm 128:1), and more. All of this practice in marriage directly translates to our relationship with God and vice versa. Nothing He asks us to do just stops with that thing alone. There is always another layer, or many! Love your husband to the end that it prepares you better every day to love the Lord.
And now, finally, let’s look at some ways to actually do this!
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Ways To Love Your Husband
This is probably what you came here for! Far from an exhaustive list, here are a few general ways to love your husband. Over time you will see more and more posts on the blog breaking down each of these points – this is just the 101 series.
Now, in no particular order, you can love you husband in these ways:
- Learn the basic nature of men from a few different angles. First, learn God’s design for a godly, masculine man. Second, recognize the way modern life, culture, and thought has generally taught men to be. Then also, it’s important to learn your individual man – how his upbring has shaped him, his likes and dislikes, where he wants to go in life, etc. Each of these layers unlocked a new level in my marriage.
- Put his needs and wants above yours since you are HIS helpmeet, he is not yours. God established before the fall happened for the man to have a helpmeet. That part is not from the curse, it’s original design.
- Physical attention. From sweet nothing touches to a complete five course sexual experience, men typically need this more than their wives realize.
- Fight against fleshly urges to usurp, argue, nag. This one is part of the curse – the desire for women to usurp their husband’s station as head and leader. A way this often comes out is in nagging and being contentious. Take a stroll through Proverbs alone and you’ll see many verses about how utterly dreadful it is to live with a nagging or contention woman. It would be better to have chinese water torture, to live on the corner of a rooftop, or in the wilderness! (It really says that!)
- See the best in him. To love your husband, he needs to know that you are his biggest supporter. It’s your job to have more confidence in him than anyone else! This way, when he has successes and snags a big win in life, he knows right where to go – to you.
- Follow him on his vision for life. Become one with him. Be “the Smith family” not, him and her, yours and mine. Whatever he is working on, you are also working on by being his helpmeet and holding down the fort while he is out fighting for the prize to bring home.
- Respect is another big topic on its own, but it is also a big need men have in order to feel loved. The most fulfilled men in life feel they have respect from others. But without respect from their wife, respect from others pales.
How Are You Doing?
Learning to love your husband will never end. There will always be new seasons in life until the day you go to be with the Lord. You will age and grow. You will probably raise children and move homes a few times. God will bring you in and out of trials. All of these experiences will accumulate a long list of opportunities to find new ways to love your husband.
How is the season you are in right now? Is it a rather challenging one? Maybe just thinking about your husband disgusts, annoys, or makes you cry in despair. Know that you are not alone, but even more importantly, you are not beyond God’s loving and mighty hand to redeem this time and breathe life into your marriage again. You can do it by His strength! Nothing is impossible for God!
On the other hand, is your current season a wonderful one full of making precious memories and having fun? That’s great! Celebrate and be thankful! Enjoy it to the fullest and spread what compassion and hope about a beautiful marriage you can to those around you. Everyone needs this good news about God’s best plan for marriages to glorify Him.
In Closing
Your husband needs your life. He may survive without it, but he will not thrive. (See this article on men’s mental health after divorce.)
God knows exactly what we need to hear, even when it seems uncomfortable… or too obvious. Before you can implement anything on the above list, you have to decide in your heart to let God change and grow you. You have to commit to not staying in the same spot you find yourself today. Even though you won’t execute the best way to love your husband every single day, the commitment to do better in general as time goes on will keep you moving forward when you hit some bumps.
Lastly, don’t forget our best example, the Lord Himself. His love is perfect and unfailing, boundless and unconditional.
Grace and Peace,
Louise
