How do you love your children? Of course you do! What are Biblical ways to show love to the precious little ones in your life? Titus 2 instructs that young women should be taught to do this so that the Word is not blasphemed. It is very important!
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Titus 2:3-5
Why are women instructed so?
One reason why you need to love your children is because any time the Bible specifies something we should know, learn, do, or avoid, it is wise to pay very close attention! And, apparently, it does not come as naturally to mothers as you would probably like to think, since God is reminding believers about it. The New Testament also says the end times will be marked with a loss of natural affection (2 Tim 3:2), loving children definitely being one that is slipping away faster and faster.
And lastly, it’s so very important to love your children because in their early life you are the closest thing to God that they can experience and begin to understand. You are charged with showing and teaching them the ways of the Lord so that they can become a part of His family; how can this be done without love?
In this post, we’re going to focus on five tips to help you show it. I’m sure most of you don’t need help feeling love for your precious little ones, but how does the Bible tell us to act it out? Love is, after all, an action as well as a feeling.
Before you dive in, if you haven’t seen the earlier posts in this series on Titus 2, be sure to catch up on “Be Sober” and “Love Your Husband”.
How To Love Your Children
1. Love Your Children by Teaching Them
The Bible has so many promised blessings for those that learn, receive instruction, and walk in the ways of wisdom given by earthly leaders as well as the Lord. Parents, who are children’s primary instructors, do well to equip them with as many learning opportunities in every area of life. This will help as many of these blessings be available to them as possible.
Instruction is something the Lord offers to each individual, so in following His example, you garner benefits as well. Psalm 32:8 says God instructs, teaches, and counsels his children in the way they should go. Let us do the same for our children!
“Train up a child in the way he should go…”
Proverbs 22:6
Some promised blessings of learning are future wisdom (Prov 19:20), staying on the path of life and not leading others astray (Prov 10:17), and avoiding foolishness (Prov 1:7).
But what exactly are they to be taught?
Primarily, the Bible teaches to love your children by teaching the ways of the Lord (Eph 6:4). Through the example of King Solomon and the epistle writers of the New Testament, it’s evident that mothers can bestow blessings on children by teaching them about everything under the sun, from hard work, friendship, humility, and controlling the tongue to avoiding bad company, pride, sexual sin, and foolishness.
There is no topic that should not or cannot be breached with children. With age appropriate conversation, parents can help them approach the fallen world and walk in righteousness by giving them information FIRST before anyone else. At the same time, you have the privilege to give them the proper worldview through which to interpret each life situation.
If there is any information you are apprehensive to tell your children, be encouraged that the Bible most certainly holds an answer for that. 2 Tim 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” There is not any question or situation anyone can face that cannot be aided by the Word of God. So pour into your children – every single day (Deut 6: 4-9) and wash it all in the Word.
This is a primary way to love your children.
2. Love Your Children by Disciplining Them
Next, under the umbrella of teaching, is discipline. Heb 12:11 tells us that “for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
The word discipline here is also translated as chastening. It is the Greek word paideia from Strong’s G3811 meaning “tutorage, that is, education or training; by implication disciplinary correction.” I decided to add this as its own point because it is a very prominent topic in the Word, especially in Proverbs. It’s so common that it would be exhausting to list every time it is referenced.
When we speak of discipline, we don’t only mean negative consequences for poor choices or mistakes, but also disciplines which encourage upkeeping positive habits such as hygiene, waking and rising at consistent times, eating well, exercise, table manners, honesty, and diligence in school work and chores. The Bible describes discipline as a way that God loves us (Rev 3:19), so as mentioned above, you do well to love your children by reflecting how the Lord disciplines you.
Proverbs 3 connects discipline from the Lord to the discipline of a parent in this way:
“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights”
Proverbs 3:11-12
There are many benefits to discipline including increased knowledge (Prov 12:1), rest and delight (Prov 29:17), driving out folly (Prov 22:15), and hope (Prov 19:18). The Proverbs also say at least twice not to withhold discipline (Prov 13:24; Prov 23:13). It must be said so many times because it would be something the flesh wants to avoid at all costs! Like Hebrews says, it is not pleasant at the time but in the end there is good fruit.
Listed in the New Testament as a qualification for being a local church leader (Titus 1:8), discipline leads to self-control, one of the highest virtues for a servant of the Lord. Without self-control (basically, self-discipline) you are left with wasted time, fleshly lusts, broken relationships, disappointment, and poorer health and finances, to name a few.
“The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self–controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.”
1 Peter 4:7
You may be wondering what exactly counts as discipline? This will be covered in another post, but for now, suffice to say, it includes anything you choose for corrective and training measure. Whether you include spanking or not isn’t the crux of the issue because you should be using a variety of tools one of which may or may not be spanking. All the strategies you use are included in this section
There are few things more important to teach your children that will permeate into every single corner of life, that’s why it’s one of the top Biblical ways to love your children.
3. Love Your Children by Being Feminine
There is no one on earth from whom it is more important that your children receive feminine love and nurturing than you. One of Eve’s first descriptions, her very namesake, is that she would be a mother (Genesis 3:20).
In an ideal world, everyone is raised by their biological mother, but that is not the case for everyone. Regardless of how exactly your children came into your family, if you’re reading this, little ones are likely looking to you (albeit subconsciously) as their primary blueprint by which to measure all other women in their life.
Your sons’ wives will be measured by your example, your daughters will be a wife born of your influence, friends and acquaintances and mentors will all be filtered through the femininity or lack thereof displayed by you, their mother.
Some of the most important motherly qualities include showing affection, physical touch, empathy, gentleness, kindness, graciousness, calmness, and tenderness. All children may have some natural differences but all children need these things from their mother in a particularly feminine way. Fathers should also show many of these qualities but in distinctly different ways. You don’t want to be a pushover, sacrificing healthy character-shaping boundaries, but it’s very good and natural for kids to know that mom is there for comfort and care.
While I do not always enjoy the phrase “more is caught than taught”, it is true that much will be caught. Whether you always speak in a soft or a loud voice, chances are your children will follow suit, just like they will mimic little phrases you say or your accent.
No one will ever figure out the exact ratio of nature versus nurture, yet may it be forefront in your mind to ask the Lord to keep renewing your heart so that your children can catch the best parts of you, and less of the unsavory parts. The sinful flesh will always exist, so make a habit of apologizing when you need to, but don’t let yourself get trapped in a “this is just the way I am” mindset. You can always utilize the Lord’s help in growing you as a more feminine person and virtuous mother.
4. Love Your Children by Taming Your Tongue
While it’s not really true that women speak three times as many words as men, women are much more prone to quickly speak their mind and speak with a lot of emotion. The Bible warns all believers about the damage the tongue can do (ouch, but thank you, James), but just about everyone at least has the impression that women speak a lot more, for whatever reason. Here is some wisdom from the Word as to how our speech should sound:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:29
“Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”
Colossians 3:9
Are you giving grace to your children by how and what you speak? It’s very difficult! They push and pull in all sorts of ways, definitely not having mastered the control of their own tongue. No matter how many times you tell them things, how much more will it sink in when you are also displaying the same? It’s really not that effective to yell at Johnny to stop yelling at his brother, is it?
It just doesn’t have the same impact.
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back”
Proverbs 29:11
Where does the spirit most often vent from? The mouth.
Consistency isn’t the only reason we should control our tongue; it’s also to avoid real damage (Prov 18:21; Prov 12:18), foolishness (Prov 29:11), and causing hearers to reject the very gospel (Jam 1:26).
On the other hand, kind and wise words have many benefits. They can heal (Prov 12:18). They bring life (Prov 15:4). Pleasant words are very valuable:
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver”
Proverbs 25:11
Lastly, another prominent benefit in controlling your tongue is that it is a TOP way to avoid provoking them. Ephesians 6:4 admonishes not to provoke your children as a way to show love while Corinthians says that not BEING provoked is a way to show love as well. Since the mouth is usually the way we show our own provocation (children are very good at tempting mothers to choose to be provoked!) as well, there are double benefits here.
So, what is the Bible’s main advice to avoid misspeaking and causing hurt? Being slow to speak.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20
James is not the only one to mention this. It’s repeated in other New Testament books and throughout Proverbs as well. You can literally slow down, or even choose no answer when appropriate (many times a nod, or “mhmm” is basically a non-response). One thing that helps me personally slow down is lowering the volume of my voice; just about anything sounds better when you say it more quietly. This also helps me actually calm down inside, not only change how I sound.
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”
Proverbs 15:1
Being slow to speak allows more time to decide what to say and how it should sound. Words can bless or harm. They can show love or tear others down. This takes a lifetime to master and many never get very far. Hopefully you have an example of someone who you can look up to in this area! It can really help as you try to be an example to your own children.
5. Love & Respect Their Father
Directly prior to the instruction to love your children is the high calling to love your husband. Check out my previous post for more on this topic. Right here, let’s talk about how it leads directly to loving your children.
First and foremost, loving your husband helps keep him around! Fatherlessness is a very prevalent and extremely harmful phenomenon in our world today. Secular research has well documented the need for every single child to have a present and engaged father (preferably biological). The benefits abound, manifesting in ways such as higher graduation rates to staying out of jail to better finances and even long term health.
There’s no way to quantify how many men have been chased out of their children’s lives by a “toxic woman”, but it is certainly possible (and, I’d say probable, especially if the couple was married). At the end of the day, regardless of how your husband chooses to act and live his life, you certainly do not want to contribute whatsoever to his choice to leave; you want to be a reason that it’s as hard as possible for him to leave.
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.”
Proverbs 21:19
Secondly, proper submission shows love to your children because submission is a very important skill to learn. And it must be learned; it is not natural to the sinful heart. There is a beautiful cycle in life which God has created whereby each person in a community can learn and display submission in a certain context. Your children will likely be people who grow up to be in a position where others submit to them. This certainly applies to everyone who becomes a parent, but also in the workplace, their community, ministry, and many other places.
The best leaders know what it is like to submit.
How is submission learned? Partly by example, a primary one being the example of a virtuous wife toward her husband. Children will learn to defer to their father and other authorities by the way their mother submits to their father by example and direct instruction. You have the opportunity to help your children avoid the pain of learning this later in life.
See Colossians 3, Ephesians 5, and 1 Peter 3 for scriptures about wives submitting to their husband. See my post on Ephesians 5 Submission below.
6. Love Your Children by Sacrifice
The final way to love your children is to sacrifice for them. There is a theme throughout the whole Bible from the very first to very last book of sacrifice displaying love.
The first mention of love in the Bible involves sacrifice. Genesis 22:2 says “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” (emphasis mine)
Here are some New Testament examples of love and sacrifice going hand in hand:
- John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave…”
- Romans 5:8 “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
- John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”
- 1 John 4:10 “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins”
There are many ways mothers sacrifice for their children, even from before they are born. You are giving your physical body as a living sacrifice (Rom 12:1) to grow and birth them before you even know them! Babies alone are very demanding on physical and emotional powers, then as they grow up you have to shape their character. This requires sacrifice of time, hobbies, outside friendships, doing whatever you want on your own time and terms, finances, and more.
Did you notice that all the things previously listed in this post are a sacrifice in one way or another?
Submitting to your husband is a sacrifice of your pride. Discipline is a sacrifice of the immediate reward of giving in to whatever your child wants. Taming your tongue is a sacrifice of your fleshly responses. Teaching your children requires an immense amount of time. Being feminine these days is a social sacrifice.
When you keep the Lord’s sacrifice for us in the forefront of your mind, the sacrifices asked of you in this life greatly pale in comparison. Don’t forget that sacrifice, while uncomfortable in certain ways, also rewards us! There is great joy to be found in children that have been discipled and well-taught; they rise to call you blessed and they are more likely to walk with the Lord. How sweet of God it is to design it this way!
Concluding How To Love Your Children
Everyone has the desire to do well to love their children, but it is not always easy. If you were not raised in a healthy family, you may be doubting your ability to rise up to this scriptural calling. Do not fear! God promises to supply all our needs, not just temporal and material things, but also capabilities such as how to love your children.
One of the biggest supports you can pray for is a godly example in your life. There is something unique about seeing a mother in action and witnessing the fruit in her children. Even if there is no one around for 20 miles and you don’t even have a church to fellowship with right now, God can bring you someone.
HE IS ABLE!
A word of caution: do not take just anyone’s advice. Use humble discernment when people give you their thoughts. If you do not see the fruit which you are looking for in their life, it’s okay to nod and smile and discreetly leave the advice in the dust. You are not obligated in any way to implement every word someone gives you. (Although, don’t forget that there is a lot learned from hindsight. Lots of Christians grieving ungodly children have seen wisdom later in life that they wish they had followed.)
You are praying and looking for a woman who has a vibrant marriage, reasonably well-behaved and godly children, and personal joy and peace about her.
Go in grace and love your children well! Remember that you will not get it perfect, and that is okay – so long as you stay tuned into the Holy Spirit guiding you in how to improve as you learn and grow.
נערות ליווי בבאר שבע
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